My Life

From Misery to Love

Light, Love, and Spirit; what do I actually mean by that? Well today’s post is going to elaborate a little bit . I chose the name Light, Love, and Spirit because it pretty much reflects the three things that I try to let guide my life.

I spent many years being negative and dark and miserable trying everything I could to feel better. I tried medication as mentioned here, I tried drugs, I tried angry music, I tried everything… none of it worked. Do you know what I remember most about those years? I remember how lost and alone I felt; how hurt and how angry I was. I do remember that deep inside of me I knew there was something better and I just had to find it and one day I did.

In my childhood and teenage years I went through a lot; more than some and less than some. I would often find myself comparing my stories to others about “who had it worse.” Compared to a lot of my friends I did have it worse and sometimes I didn’t and was grateful for what I had. As I have matured I’ve found that it’s not about that….misery is anything but a contest, misery is lack of love. I don’t mean that you don’t know how to love if you’re miserable, I just mean that situations are not being approached with love.

“What the heck is she talking about?”

I know this sounds all hippy dippy lovechildy but stick with me here. As a teenager I held a lot of resentment for my parents (this is something I still work on…) mainly because I didn’t have the parents I thought I should have. My dad was in the picture only when he wanted to be because of substance abuse issues and my mom married someone who also had substance abuse issues and came from a family where the main emotion was anger. Before my mom met him I SO looked up to her. My mom was young, owned her own house, all the trendiest clothes, she worked a lot so we didn’t spend a lot of time together doing fun things but that was okay because I had my grandparents. When my mom got with her husband all of that changed. He broke her. He broke her spirit. That being said, no one can break you unless you let them.

Things changed. She had my sisters (they are 10 years younger then me and they are everything to me)  My stepdad started drinking more, my mom quit her great job and started bar-tending, and somehow I became the secondary caregiver to two little babies while attending high-school. My stepfather didn’t like my mom bar-tending so he would get “revenge” by not being home…whatever that meant. So a lot was left on my shoulders. I won’t go in to the gory details but I will say that I became a very very angry little human being.

The house was in constant turmoil, always screaming, always yelling, and always being made to feel worthless and small. I can still hear them saying “no one fights unless you’re here” I knew it wasn’t true and now my sister hears the same thing almost 10 years later… so I know for sure it wasn’t me. The living environment there was (and still is) toxic.

I still don’t understand the decisions they make and their lack of love for themselves and others but that is why I am writing this very personal post. I want to tell you how I changed my view from misery to love.

In other posts I have mentioned how about two years ago I started using positive thinking to change my life and it worked but when it came to my family I was stuck. So about a month ago my sister’s and I sat my parent’s down and tried to have a talk with them about our family and how we desperately want it to be functional at the very least.  Well let’s just say not much has changed with them but my view has.

When I get upset about the choices my parent’s make I try to remind myself that maybe they are doing the best they know how to do. I was able to break the cycle because I moved away but they are living it every day. This is what they are comfortable with and this is the way they chose to live, who am I to tell them any different?

I remind them that I love them even in the worst of times. I ask them to learn to love themselves and remind them that life really is great. All I can do is plant the seed and hope it grows but it’s up to them to water it.

I send them love every time I find myself angry or frustrated by their choices. I try to do this in every situation now..coworkers, rude drivers, husband who had a bad day, screaming Baby-boo…because really…hate and anger isn’t going to solve anything. Have you ever seen something solved that way?

So next time you find yourself lost, angry, or judgmental of another, try this…..

  • Light. Envision them surrounded in white light ….a cleansing, happy, divine light.

  • Love. Send them love! Imagine a pink ball of light floating over to them, surrounding them and even the situation.

  • Spirit. It doesn’t matter what your higher power is….God, Source Energy, Buddha, it is all the same thing…it is all unconditional love. So just ask yourself what would Spirit want you to do? Ask your higher-self for an answer or solution, call in your guides or your angels. Even if you can’t see or hear them, I promise there is always divine guidance just waiting for you to ask for help!

I do these things multiple times a day….every day. I do not claim to be perfect or have all of the answers but the one truth I know is love. I know that sometimes it’s hard to send someone love especially if they are acting with anything but love but those are the most important times to send it.

Light, Love, and Spirit.

-Me

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “From Misery to Love

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *