Today’s post comes from a reader question, S. writes:
“Hi, have been seeing a lot of articles relating to ”karmic relationships”, & how abusive people (like those who can often be involved in one’s karmic relationship) are thus not identified as their partner’s soulmate, given their abusive nature. If this is the general consensus – then how is it possible for the abuser to actually possess a ”soulmate”? If they are abusive by nature; generally they will always abusive to each of their partner’s. Their abusive behavior will likely continue the same patterns with each partner they find, right?”
Hi S! I love your question and it’s an interesting one for sure! Actually, one that is not addressed very often and I am happy to do so for you.
I’ve written previous articles about soul mates, twin flames, and even karmic relationships. All of these topics tie into your question.
A soulmate is just that, a mate for the soul – a teacher and someone that helps us grow. This can be literally anyone and does not have to affiliate with just romantic partners.
Oftentimes mothers, fathers, “friends” and yes, even abusers can be our soulmates. They challenge what is within us, they show us who we want to be, they show us what kind of life we want to live. It is then up to us to take those lessons and put them into action.
Let’s say you grow up in an abusive or addictive household. Your parents are showing you what not to do and who you don’t want to be. They are your soulmates in that they taught you these very very valuable lessons. You can now take those lesson with you into your own adult life and family. Witnessing these things previously can help you to be aware of a potential problem before it even starts. Soulmate = Teacher.
In my opinion, soulmates and karmic relationships can certainly go hand in hand and this means on both sides.
The victim’s side
Both physical and emotional abuse can occur in a karmic relationship. The person being abused often has a choice to make and that choice is usually made once they have reached their breaking point.
Abuse whether sexual, physical, mental, or emotional has the ability to be detrimental. Not only to the physical and mental well-being of someone but also their spirit body. When someone treats us this way our soul doesn’t understand because internally we are only eternal love.
In abusive relationships, pieces of us can start getting left behind within those situations. Our inner child can start to cower and become quite fearful. It can take a bit of coaxing to call those pieces of ourselves back.
These relationships force us to make some pretty hard choices and take a good look into our own lives. For most, the choice resides in changing their story and becoming comfortable with a piece of themselves they never knew or lost long ago. Many people in abusive relationships feel stuck because they feel as if there is no way out, especially if their abuser is also their “supporter”. The decision to be made in this case? Taking a leap of faith and trusting that when we show ourselves the love we deserve we will be supported along the way.
When we make the decision to change our story and to remove ourselves from this pattern the karma starts to heal and the lessons are learned. Your soulmate – your karmic relationship taught you to be strong. They taught you to fight for YOU because you are worth it. How beautiful it is to come to this understanding.
But what about the abuser? Will they ever stop? Will they ever find someone?
Just like they are a soulmate to you, so too are you to them. On an energetic level, they chose you for the lessons you’re meant to teach them. The person that they abuse after you? Also a soulmate, also a teacher.
The sad truth here is that someone who treats others this way is far removed from their authentic divine self – their one truth – the fact that they are love.
They are here to experience certain lessons, karmas, and to grow. Their karmic lesson? Perhaps it is to learn to love because they are so far removed. They must find it in themselves to look inside and find this love before they will be ready to break their cycle.
Their lessons must be learned for their karma to being to heal. Simple terms, to find their soulmate – to change their story – they have to want to change it. They have to be ready. No one can make them change.
Though they cause so much hurt and turmoil to so many in their path we must remember … it is their path.We have our own. We can only hope that they find the strength within themselves to find the lessons in their patterns like their stronger counterpart.
The hope is that someone will come along and plant a seed within them that they will nurture and grow. We pray that someone will be their teacher in such a way that shines a light on their karmic patterns that need to be healed.
Again, they have to want it. If not they may continue their destructive and self-destructive patterns until this life is over. Unfortunately, the way karma works is we keep reliving different versions of the same teaching until we understand the lesson.
Remember you can’t force another to change. This is their path and their experience. You can’t learn someone else lessons for them. For as much as they hurt you send them 10x the love (from a far) and accept who they are right now as who they need to be for not only themselves but also for you. For you to find yourself, your strength, and your way.
And remember our soul is made up of Source energy – of unconditional love. So when we hurt another and when we cast a stone at them it bruises us just as badly.