As I sit here typing this I can’t help but reflect on my very first post; I totally put myself out there, heart pounding, palms sweating, determined, and scared to death all at the same time. Since I posted Part 1 of my story I have had so many emails, so many readers, and so many client’s thank me and tell me how brave I am.
Here’s the thing…I want to thank all of YOU! Seriously, if I hadn’t had such supportive reader’s, client’s, and friend’s, who knows if I would have kept this thing going. Who knows if I would have found the courage to come almost totally out of the spiritual closet? I am so very very thankful for the opportunities and life changes that have come my way since last December. I am finally living a life that is authentic to my true self and I thank each and every one of you who has supported me along the way. I even thank those who didn’t; you pushed me to try harder, so thank you!
This is part 6 of my story and it is all about coming out as a psychic medium.
It hasn’t been an easy road and there were times that I wished I hadn’t even told my husband. There were times I wanted to crawl right back in that hole and never talk about it again. I doubted myself, I doubted my abilities, and I ALMOST shut the entire thing down.
In the beginning, my husband just went along with it because I was happier and he basically only knew I was meditating and cleansing the house. Thennnnn I had a serious awakening and all I wanted to talk about was spirit stuff! I admit that it was probably a little too much all at once and coming from a Catholic background…he wasn’t very open to the idea of his wife being a psychic.
We were renovating a house, our dog had just been hit by a truck, and in the midst of all of this I started giving psychic readings. Let’s just say it was a tough time for us and we didn’t see eye to eye very often.
I will never forget driving back from doing work on our new home and he finally just exploded.
“They don’t give you a fu*king book on what to do when your wife starts talking to dead people. If you would have been this way when I met you I would have ran for the hills. I’m sorry, I love you but this is weird.”
Oh man, I was crushed. I was so hurt and so embarrassed and I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to escape, I just wanted out of that car and I wanted to cry. However, we were going 65 mph down the interstate so I just sat there wondering if this was it. Was this the end of us or the end of my career, did I have to choose?
What happened next was a turning point in my career, my future, and my life. For the first time ever, I really FELT who I was. I had instant flashbacks of who I used to be and I just had this knowing that it was time to stand up for me and what I believed in.
“I understand this is hard for you, I get it. I have dealt with these things for the past 25 years and I am just now accepting it. I’m sorry you think it’s weird and it really hurts my feelings that you think that way about me but I am here to tell you…I am not going back! I FINALLY finally know who I am. I have found myself and I have found my calling. I am happy with myself and for the first time ever, I am being TRUE to MYSELF. If you can’t accept that I love who I am and if you can’t accept that this is what I am meant to do, I am sorry but that is your problem to figure out, not mine. I was given a gift, I help people. I am not asking you to believe in all of this and I am not asking you to pass out business cards. I only ask for your respect, if you can’t give that to me then…well I don’t know what to tell you, but I am sure as hell not going back into hiding and I refuse to give up my happiness to make someone else more comfortable.”
Or something along those lines 🙂
It was a looooonnnnggggg silent car ride home after that. I couldn’t believe what had just come out of my mouth but I was damn proud of it! I realized that I had finally accepted myself and I wasn’t going to let even the love of my life take that away from me.
Over the next few days I did a lot of soul searching and a little venting…I realized that I had been keeping this a secret for quite some time and that was because I didn’t quite understand it yet. I needed to give him the same respect; I needed to give him time to sort this all out. Most importantly I needed to find balance.
I didn’t need to be talking non-stop about spirits, crystals, mediums, and sage. I could still be a friend, a wife, a mom, AND a medium. I had gotten into the same ol’ practice, the same ol’ habit of giving myself a label and sticking to it.
We sat down and had a long talk, I told him I wasn’t going to hide who I was but I also would not be trying to force him into my beliefs either. I realized that while I may not be the same person he married, I wasn’t the same person he was dating when we got married, and I will not be the same person when I am 60 that I am today, and neither will he. It’s about acceptance and balance.
So I started a blog!
I had a lot of information to get out there and I wanted to spread it around…but this time to people who WANTED to receive it. I started writing articles and I quickly realized that there were people who actually were intrigued and helped by what I had to say!
Those people eventually wanted to get to know the real me, so as reluctant as I was…I shared my real name. Then with a little more encouragement to be my true self from my great friend Emily, my dedicated reader Andrew, and my mentor Amanda…I shared my picture.
I showed the world the real face of a psychic medium. I do not have crazy black hair, I do not wear crazy clothes (to my knowledge), and I don’t walk around telling people they have a dead person standing behind them. (This is what people think psychics are supposed to look like)
I have auburn hair, though if you ask my husband it’s debatable…he says I’m a ginger!
My favorite outfit is jean shorts, a tank top, and some old school vans.
I only tell people about their deceased loved ones if they ask.
It takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there and show the world who you truly are. I don’t just mean as an intuitive either; I mean to be your true self makes you vulnerable but there is so much beauty in vulnerability. For every one person who has something negative to say there will be 10 people embracing the real you. Come out and be yourself! It’s beautiful, it’s freeing, and it’s pretty freaking awesome!
Nowaday’s my husband is one of my biggest supporters.
The other night I was feeling guilty about spending so much time working and not spending as much time with him as I usually do.
“Am I talking about spirit stuff and the business too much? I don’t want to overwhelm you so just let me know okay?”
Him – “No you’re good. I am proud of you…I’ve never seen you have so much drive and I’ve never seen you happier. I can see that you really love what you do and I support you.”
Gah, y’all my heart melted.
He may not understand what I do or even me (what guy really understands women anyway?) but he supports me. He pushes me to be the best version of me that I can be on the days I just don’t want to adult anymore.
My biggest fear in all of this was not the negative comments I would face but all of the question’s and negative remarks HE would have to face about me and what I do. The last thing I would want to do is embarrass someone I love, but when he photobombed a picture for my business Instagram (Light_Love_and_Spirit) I knew it was all good!
It’s been a long bumpy road but I am proud to say….